Another lonely day.

Today is Christmas Eve. I"m supposed to be on a plane heading to Pittsburgh right now but, because I missed my flight, I'm sitting alone in the neighborhood cafe..My waitress is the type of waitress that doesn't speak to you...Instead, she stands at your table and stares at you and waits for you to tell her everything you need. For a second I think maybe she's just having a bad day...It is Christmas Eve, after all, and she has to work...I know that sucks, but even after the morning I've had I've still managed to walk in and be very polite to a person who doesn't even respond to me...

I feel like shit..It's probably the worst I've felt in a long time.

I thought I had everything planned out...I woke up on time this morning, listened to NPR and sipped on my green tea...showered, finished packing...I even cleaned my bathroom fairly quickly. And then I looked at the clock...Before I knew it I was running 25 minutes behind schedule...I guess I didn't plan on listening to NPR and making green tea but it was such a beautiful morning that I wanted to take it all in..

I left in a hurry and made a phone call from the payphone just outside of my apartment. A car picked me up and I was headed for the airport.

Lines. People. Everywhere. What bothered me most was that my flight was leaving in 30 minutes and I assumed that everyone waiting in line had a flight that was taking off in a couple of hours. By the time I got to the check-in counter it was too late. I accepted the fact that I missed my flight and there was nothing I could do about it. I knew it was bad but I didn't know it was going to get so much worse.

I have a history of missing flights. The last flight I missed because, of course, I was running late. I got lucky that day though. I was placed on standby for another flight leaving only a couple hours after my original flight was scheduled. This time, on Christmas Eve, I wasn't so lucky.

I am now on standby for a flight leaving tomorrow around the same time that I was supposed to leave today. I don't know what I'm going to do for the rest of my day. I planned on being home with family I haven't seen in a year..sitting around the table eating home-made mexican food and drinking margaritas...I planned on waking up and being with my sister on Christmas morning...and now..I'm just going to be alone..Christmas Eve alone...Waking up Christmas day alone..and then I have to fly...that is, if I make it on time.

It goes without saying, but I hate flying..

I know it could be worse..a lot worse...but I seriously feel awful right now..